Thoughts on Mum’s Alzheimer Dementia

I suppose it’s easy to overthink Mum’s dementia.

It’s a brain disorder, an atrophy of abilities.

In simpler terms it’s been described as the long goodbye.

Each sufferer experiences it differently.

So each family has a different tale to tell.

I’ve joined a forum called myalzteam.com which allows us to ask and answer questions, give hugs and, most importantly, read about other people in similar situations to our own.

Some folk say pray: for what I’m not sure.

Not for strength: even in my most wretched moments I have the strength to pull myself together.

Not for a reason: just as there is no good reason for an all powerful entity to create my son’s broken body, there’s no reason to make older folk die a slow confusing death. None.

Not for a cure: tho scientists are inching forward, Mum’s situation will just progress.

I know prayer helps folk in need but, with the greatest respect, it’s not for me.

A better coping strategy is to try to understand by looking at the bigger picture.

Taking a step back and up helps me gain clarity.

Mum is 75: not a great age today but a decent one. She’s seen my children every week for the last 18 years. She’s been cared for and loved by a close family and a husband of 50 years. She emigrated, ran a Salvation Army Citadel, was a fine knitter and dragged herself out of the slums of post war London.

Mum’s contribution to my life and that of my brothers is immeasurable. Everything I do is a result of her bringing me up right. Many of my parental decisions are guided by her hand.

She did the job right.

As she inches away from me, I know deep down that she’s still deep inside my core.

The remnant of who she was may soon just be a broken body but her thoughts and morality and grit are a part of me.

Thanks Mum.

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4 thoughts on “Thoughts on Mum’s Alzheimer Dementia

  1. This was years ago, but on an online discussion site about chronic illnesses, someone wrote that they believed prayer was effective at helping those in need or suffering. I was surprised at the number of people who agreed with her. You can’t argue with faith, and that wasn’t my issue: I was infuriated by the number of evangelical Christians who would tell me that if I “believed enough, prayed enough,” my husband, who had an inoperable brain tumor, would be healed. As if I had any control over what happened to him. Looking back, I think prayer comforts those who believe in it, and makes them think that they’re doing something useful. In short, it’s about their feelings, not about the person who’s hurting.

    That said, Dave, I wish for you and your family days of rest and quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We’re getting the rest and quiet as phones are optional and so far she hasn’t asked for one.
    Agree with the prayer comforting the person praying. However, I won’t question people’s beliefs any more. Like you I respect faith but personally just don’t have it.

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  3. Dave, faith is doing the best you can. That way, you have infinite faith.

    Prayer is a personal choice. I pray when there are difficult times, but I would never ever ever recommend it as a to-go step for anyone else. I don’t think prayer solves the problem. It just gives some of us (not all), a placebo strength to face it.

    Liked by 1 person

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