Dementia Update

It’s been a weird few weeks.

I was ill with the flu – the real type with pain and weakness, not the Man Flu.

I went back to work too soon and paid the price, having to stay off some more.

Then I hurt my back and this was further aggravated by my coughing – after the flu.

My back would spasm, even in bed and then I would have a coughing fit which caused huge pain.

Along side this my Mum’s behaviour in the home is getting worse.

She wanders the corridors at night shouting to be released and kicking doors.

We brought her to our house for a Sunday visit and on her return she denied knowing the Home.

She made a real scene saying I had picked her up from her house (the one she’s not been in since early December).

She shouted that she had been betrayed and this was all a trick – despite carers saying hello and using her name.

It was upsetting and eventually we left.

This week we had notification that they have taken out a Deprivation of Liberty order on her which stops her leaving the home even if she wishes it.

In the report it tells of her saying she loves the place, wants to stay and has been there for two years.

Their assessment is correct in that she lacks the capacity to make her own decisions, find her way or even to cross the road.

The house where she lived has been taken over by the council and completely renovated for the next tenant.

Her confusion is sad but it’s important that we accept it.

Our house is lettered with her leftovers now. Although we realised that 95% of her belongings had no value, we’re discovering that we were being optimistic about the rest.

It’s a slow painful process and may take longer to resolve that we first thought.

I’ve digitised all her photos and am cropping them and putting them into little albums for her.

My health has improved especially after a week off work.

My eldest is loving her bar job and keeping up with her Uni work.

The rest of the kids seem fine and Gill’s still a treasure.


4 thoughts on “Dementia Update

  1. Glad to hear the rest of the family is doing well. Your mother,…. It’s a hard situation, no matter what you do or don’t do for her. I’m guessing the visits to your house put her in such a disruptive mood, it was impossible for the staff to get her settled unless they medicated her. But you can’t blame yourself for that. Her dementia has put her over the top, though at least she has family that still cares about what happens to her.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We also had to have a ‘deprivation of liberty’ put in place and it seemed such a cold harsh legal term. It was for her own safety as you have going on there. This capacity changes and unfortunately is unlikely to return in a positive manner (presuming they have ruled out UTIs which can add to confused state). You struck a nerve with the photos though. I took those over when my gran was in hospital on the locked ward – she had always loved looking at the photos of the kids and suddenly I was confronted with her no longer recognizing the images and it was a true shock that she had left that part of her world behind. At one stage she asked for a writing pad and wrote down one of my kids’ names. It was like she knew there was a list but just couldn’t remember. I tried not to show my sadness but it was an overwhelming memory and remains way after her fight was done.
    It is all a new path. With good days and bad but with caring people around wanting the best outcome. I used to say ‘safe and comfortable with no pain.’ Thinking of you all.

    Liked by 2 people

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